http://www.hianswers.com/womens-health/what-can-i-say-to-help-my-newly-pregnant-friend-who-says-shes-depressed-5.html Health aware Mon, 15 Mar 2010 06:40:46 -0600 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 http://www.hianswers.com/womens-health/what-can-i-say-to-help-my-newly-pregnant-friend-who-says-shes-depressed-5.html/comment-page-1#comment-26941 *Kelly* Fri, 20 Nov 2009 23:48:34 +0000 http://www.hianswers.com/womens-health/what-can-i-say-to-help-my-newly-pregnant-friend-who-says-shes-depressed-5.html#comment-26941 Suggest that she start seeing a counselor. is she religious? I know there are lots of great Christian counselors who have dealt with this, as well as secular counselors. She sounds like she really needs someone who is not associated or partial in any way, and can just listen. You seem like a really great friend! She is very lucky to have a friend like you. Please continue to support her in any way you can :) Pregnant women are able to take low doses of Zoloft, so maybe she can ask her provider about that. make SURE she tells er doctor what is going on. Remember, you are a great friend! Suggest that she start seeing a counselor. is she religious? I know there are lots of great Christian counselors who have dealt with this, as well as secular counselors. She sounds like she really needs someone who is not associated or partial in any way, and can just listen.
You seem like a really great friend! She is very lucky to have a friend like you. Please continue to support her in any way you can
Pregnant women are able to take low doses of Zoloft, so maybe she can ask her provider about that. make SURE she tells er doctor what is going on.
Remember, you are a great friend!

]]> http://www.hianswers.com/womens-health/what-can-i-say-to-help-my-newly-pregnant-friend-who-says-shes-depressed-5.html/comment-page-1#comment-26940 Anonymous Fri, 20 Nov 2009 18:09:50 +0000 http://www.hianswers.com/womens-health/what-can-i-say-to-help-my-newly-pregnant-friend-who-says-shes-depressed-5.html#comment-26940 Well, you keep doing what you are doing. Be a supportive ear. Ask what you can do, maybe. Also, unfortunately, many women experience depression with all the extra hormones. It is very unfortunate dad is like that. Boys (he isn't really a man in my books) like that give my gender a bad name. I hold in great esteem all pregnant women, not just the one I impregnated, and it saddens me to hear how much extra they have to bear because little boys can't man-up. Too bad she didn't figure him out before she made a life-time commitment to him. Stay supportive, tell her you know that she can do it. Well, you keep doing what you are doing. Be a supportive ear. Ask what you can do, maybe.
Also, unfortunately, many women experience depression with all the extra hormones. It is very unfortunate dad is like that. Boys (he isn’t really a man in my books) like that give my gender a bad name.
I hold in great esteem all pregnant women, not just the one I impregnated, and it saddens me to hear how much extra they have to bear because little boys can’t man-up.
Too bad she didn’t figure him out before she made a life-time commitment to him.
Stay supportive, tell her you know that she can do it.

]]> http://www.hianswers.com/womens-health/what-can-i-say-to-help-my-newly-pregnant-friend-who-says-shes-depressed-5.html/comment-page-1#comment-26939 Peridot Green Fri, 20 Nov 2009 17:01:25 +0000 http://www.hianswers.com/womens-health/what-can-i-say-to-help-my-newly-pregnant-friend-who-says-shes-depressed-5.html#comment-26939 Sorry I can not offer anything except to tell you that her hubby needs one hell of a swift kick where it hurts. He calls himself a man? Sorry I can not offer anything except to tell you that her hubby needs one hell of a swift kick where it hurts. He calls himself a man?

]]> http://www.hianswers.com/womens-health/what-can-i-say-to-help-my-newly-pregnant-friend-who-says-shes-depressed-5.html/comment-page-1#comment-26938 ------ - Fri, 20 Nov 2009 10:37:46 +0000 http://www.hianswers.com/womens-health/what-can-i-say-to-help-my-newly-pregnant-friend-who-says-shes-depressed-5.html#comment-26938 Just be there for whatever decision she makes. You can't choose for her and you can't tell her whats wrong and right. You already know this so... Just do what you're doing. Just be there for whatever decision she makes. You can’t choose for her and you can’t tell her whats wrong and right. You already know this so… Just do what you’re doing.

]]> http://www.hianswers.com/womens-health/what-can-i-say-to-help-my-newly-pregnant-friend-who-says-shes-depressed-5.html/comment-page-1#comment-26937 Pink Satin Pants Fri, 20 Nov 2009 07:15:54 +0000 http://www.hianswers.com/womens-health/what-can-i-say-to-help-my-newly-pregnant-friend-who-says-shes-depressed-5.html#comment-26937 I would say it's important for you to remember that even though you have an idea of what the smart thing to do would be (perhaps leaving him), what Sam really needs right now is someone to stand by her, no matter what she choose, no matter what the consequences. She's NOT getting that from her sister, and I would suspect that her own family is not that supportive in general. But we've lived with our families of origin so long, we have no idea that they aren't supportive when they act like her sister. All we know is that it hurts. The result is that we can't form a rational plan like, "Don't take this stuff to my family of origin." In addition to the current stress, it probably triggered a bunch of old wounds with the sister/family as well. Since I know you, KK, I know that one of your greatest skills is that you are a good listener. I don't just mean that you will be quiet while someone else talks. I mean that you have the ability to discern Sam's "chief complaint" in the moment and to reassure her that her feelings are appropriate. A lot of people try to make friends' hurt feelings (sadness, anger, blame) go away. Maybe because they don't like to see their friend suffer. Maybe because that suffering hits too close to home and make the helper uncomfortable. But I've come to believe that what we really need is to know that we're doing okay—and feeling sad or angry or frustrated or tired is the PROPER response in this situation. None of that will make Sam less tired or solve the problems in her relationship. But it might be just enough fuel to keep her going a little longer. If the stars align just right, she may find some radical solutions herself. If not, well, that's when life pushes us to the edge and we find the radical solutions because we have no choice. Well, that's kind of a rambling answer. I have more coherent thoughts on the subject, but it's late, and my Tylenol PM is kicking in. I'll share more later. Good luck! I would say it’s important for you to remember that even though you have an idea of what the smart thing to do would be (perhaps leaving him), what Sam really needs right now is someone to stand by her, no matter what she choose, no matter what the consequences.
She’s NOT getting that from her sister, and I would suspect that her own family is not that supportive in general. But we’ve lived with our families of origin so long, we have no idea that they aren’t supportive when they act like her sister. All we know is that it hurts. The result is that we can’t form a rational plan like, “Don’t take this stuff to my family of origin.” In addition to the current stress, it probably triggered a bunch of old wounds with the sister/family as well.
Since I know you, KK, I know that one of your greatest skills is that you are a good listener. I don’t just mean that you will be quiet while someone else talks. I mean that you have the ability to discern Sam’s “chief complaint” in the moment and to reassure her that her feelings are appropriate.
A lot of people try to make friends’ hurt feelings (sadness, anger, blame) go away. Maybe because they don’t like to see their friend suffer. Maybe because that suffering hits too close to home and make the helper uncomfortable.
But I’ve come to believe that what we really need is to know that we’re doing okay—and feeling sad or angry or frustrated or tired is the PROPER response in this situation.
None of that will make Sam less tired or solve the problems in her relationship. But it might be just enough fuel to keep her going a little longer. If the stars align just right, she may find some radical solutions herself. If not, well, that’s when life pushes us to the edge and we find the radical solutions because we have no choice.
Well, that’s kind of a rambling answer. I have more coherent thoughts on the subject, but it’s late, and my Tylenol PM is kicking in. I’ll share more later.
Good luck!

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